Can you succeed in online dating? The answer is a loud and boastful “Yes!” Millions of people are out there looking for love on the internet. Sometimes it might seem like you are the only one who is having trouble finding the right person, but this is certainly not the case. But if you want to succeed, you need to know how to use dating sites properly.
One of the keys to success is to start by eliminating two mental obstacles. The first is the idea that good dates are scarce. This is simply untrue. For whatever reason, our brains seem to be wired that if we fail too many times in love, we will somehow burn out all of the single people on the planet, and be left with nobody. This is simply untrue. Yes, every person is unique and deserves respect. That doesn’t mean you need to treat every date as though they are the last person on the planet and that you need them desperately.
The other mental block is the simple concept of failure. If you do not believe in failure, you can’t help but succeed. Every date should be thought of as a learning experience. As long as you have the right mindset, you will become more confident in yourself and more relaxed with each new date. Remember, you can always look up the next guy or girl on the website. There is virtually an unlimited supply of dates. You will never run out, so stop worrying about failure. There is no such thing.
Of course, these two mental obstacles apply to traditional dating as well as online dating, but since it is so much easier to find single people through a dating site, it is actually quite a bit easier to overcome these obstacles.
Once you have gotten past these two mental blocks, there are other tips that you can use in order to improve your success. To begin with, you should always arrange to meet your date in a public place. Yes, this is safer than the alternative, but that isn’t the primary reason for this strategy. Mainly, it is much easier to end the date early if it is not going well. It is often more awkward to ask your date to leave your home than it is to go home early.
Dating should be fun. Before meeting with somebody, you should exchange a few short emails or messages in order to establish comfort, both for yourself and you date. Don’t waste too much time with this. It’s not uncommon to discover that a person is completely different in person than online, so getting to know them online is a waste of time. The exchanges should just give you a general idea of how your date behaves and whether they share your basic interests.
Once you meet with your date, keep the conversation light. It might be a cliche to say this, but be yourself. Many people don’t understand what this means. It doesn’t mean talk about yourself. It doesn’t mean explain why you are the way that you are. It doesn’t mean talk about your job or your plans for the future.
What it really means is that you should behave the same way that you do when you are out with your closest friends. You should have fun, be spontaneous, and have interesting conversations. In short, be comfortable. If you act comfortably, so will your date. This will give you the opportunity to see how they act when they are comfortable. This is much more revealing than hearing them talk about themselves.
Of course, while comfort is key, it isn’t everything. At some point, one of you will have to make the first move toward establishing intimacy. If this doesn’t happen, the relationship will never move past the stage of comfort, and you will end up friends instead of lovers. If you find that you really enjoy your date’s company, there is no shame in making the first move. Just be confident about it, not desperate.
